Neil Armstrong Is My Uncle and Other Lies Muscle Man McGinty Told Me has been out since May.  While that doesn’t exactly make me a seasoned pro, I have gone through the experience of  a debut book launch.  Here are some random thoughts about my first two months as a published author and some unsolicited advice for anyone who has yet to launch:

• Before your book comes out, get comfortable on all those social networking sites.  Make friends on Facebook, decide what you’re going to say on your blog, and learn how to tweet.  You don’t want to be dealing with all that book launch stuff and trying to figure out what RT means at the same time.
• No matter how much they hang in your face, do not get your bangs cut the day before your book launch.  Feel free to disregard this if you have one of those hair stylists who always make you look fabulous.  (If you do, and you live in NJ, please IM me)
• Once you step in front of a group of kids, you’re the one running the show.  That means you need to acquire some basic classroom management skills.  Think about what you’re going to say when a very angelic-looking 4^th grader interrupts his classmate to tell a story that involves blood, guts and brain spillage.
• When you’re speaking to a class, pay attention to the teachers.  You can learn a lot from their body language.  When they stop their conversations, cross their arms, and lean toward you, you know you’ve just called on the child who will talk about brain spillage.
• Even after you’re published, you’ll still have to take the dishes out of the dishwasher.  At some very weird level, this fact surprises me.  (To everyone who has more than one book out there:  When do they work the “no dirty dishes” clause into your contract?)
• Watch out for those 5th graders.  One moment, they’re giggling and acting like little kids, and the next moment, their maturity and insight will leave you tongue-tied.
• If you give out Tootsie Rolls to large groups of 4^th and 5^th graders, many will lose teeth.
• There might be one or two people in your life who aren’t quite as happy for you as you’d thought they’d be.  But for the most part, you will be overwhelmed by good wishes and good energy from friends and family.
• Don’t even attempt to seriously answer the question: “Why don’t you try to get on Oprah?”
• Even a starred review is not going to make you feel secure about your writing, if you happen to be a naturally neurotic writer.  All those good feelings really do come from within.
• Getting the call from your agent, working with a great editor, and holding your book for the first time will live up to your every expectation.  But it’s the things you never thought about, like the really wonderful email from a stranger or a surprise celebration from friends that will take your breath away.
• Do not become obsessed with your ranking on Amazon, B&N, Goodreads, LibraryThing, etc.  It will only make you crazy.  One day, I hope to follow this excellent advice.  For now, I am a moth.  Amazon is the flame.
• Being published changes nothing.  In all probability, you will still have your day job, still spend a summer Saturday afternoon with the in-laws and I’ve already told you about the dishes.
• Being published changes everything.  Something about a having a dream come true changes  you to the very core.

I’m sure I’ve left a lot out, so please feel free to add to this list.

Related posts:

1. Connect with Nan Marino: Confessions of a First Time Author
2. Connect with Nan Marino: You Gotta Have Friends
3. Connect with Ellen Jensen Abbott: The Call of Fantasy
4. The 12 Months of Debsness is Coming
5. CONTEST ALERT: The 12 Months of Debsness Giveaway (01/15/09-01/15/09)