It’s Tuesday, March 23, 2010 at 11:00 p.m. and my AuthorsNow entry is less than one hour away from being overdue, or viewed from another perspective, more than twenty-three hours overdue. I am, per usual, procrastinating.
I procrastinate best after I have just experienced a highly productive period in my personal and professional life. Now please don’t read this piece and imagine that I just entertained a group of ten of my husband’s business colleagues with a five-course meal (as he would like although not admit), and in my spare time wrote a “War and Peace”-like tome (as I would like). To the contrary, in the last twenty-four hours, I served microwaved “cuisine”; labored over a repeatedly requested Shutterfly photo book for my son (surprisingly, a few hours of work); reviewed illustrated layouts for my 2011 children’s picture book “The Cazuela That The Farm Maiden Stirred” (called and emailed close friends and family and raved about artist Rafael López’s work) and replied to my editor at Charlesbridge with notes; wrote a piece in celebration of the upcoming April celebration of “El Día de los Niños/El Día de los Libros, Children’s Day/Book Day”; dutifully posted on Facebook and Twitter, and after a book appearance at Barnes & Noble, returned to marketing my children’s picture book “Before You Were Here, Mi Amor” all the while, studiously, significantly, assiduously, and effectively avoiding the revising of my novel (what I gratefully consider to be my “day job”).
Looking at the glass half full, I tell myself to rejoice in the fact that my procrastination skills are not just proficient, they are expert. Andy Borowitz, a writer whose work I admire stated that “procrastination is a writer’s best friend” and I long ago decided to agree (and, organized my closet to boot – and, as I labeled my shoe boxes, I smiled, knowing that the sooner I locate a suitable outfit in the morning, the sooner I get down to writing). As Andy says, “Without procrastination, you might just leap right into your manuscript, write 1,000 words a day, and be finished with your work in a matter of weeks. Then you would be facing that first blank page all over again and be back in the same old mess. As you can see, productivity is a vicious cycle that only procrastination can break.”
So you can assess whether you have it in you to similarly be a great procrastinator, I thought I’d share a treasured page I have had posted on my bulletin board for the last ten years. It is Borowitz’s “In Praise of Procrastination” from Poets & Writers Magazine (July/August 2000) (sent to me, not surprisingly, by my mom, who knows her procrastinating progeny well). Borowitz’s “Procrastinator’s Checklist” is my bible, my procrastination inspiration. I share it now with you.
“Sharpen pencils. Organize pencils in a straight line. Clean out desk. Strip, sand, and refinish desk. Buy new desk. Check mail. Color-code socks and pants. Dig up tulip bulbs. Alphabetize herbal teas in pantry. Check mail. Discuss the amusing foibles of your ups driver’s cats. Organize cereal boxes by height. Look for your name on the Internet. Review 1994 tax returns. Check mail. See how the NASDAQ is doing. Clip nails. Floss. Floss nails. Check Christmas ornaments in attic to make sure they’re okay. Can boysenberry preserves. Check mail. Re-lace shoes in closet. Test yourself on state capitals, just to stay sharp. Examine moles in mirror. Midday break for pedicure. Nap. Water plants. Call siblings long-distance, start unprovoked arguments. Update address book. Buy stamps. Call siblings to make up for earlier fights. Watch Weather Channel to monitor typhoon developments in South Pacific. Check pulse. Water plants again, possibly killing them. Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it? Just follow the list, and you’ll be ready to embark on an exciting new career as a professional procrastinator. Tomorrow.”
Comments
1 Madhu Mukerji-Miller // Mar 24, 2010 at 7:41 am
Love it — off to procrastinate! Flossing nails next on list…
This is grey too!!
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